I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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