My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize