You're so nebulous sometimes
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
