Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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