Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
