I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
