thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
