Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
