Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
