I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
