If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
tell me about the fingering
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