The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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