apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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