booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
