Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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