So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
