Cold hands, warm shart.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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