cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize