How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
