I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
