Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Sober January is a disaster.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
