your thong is hanging out like whoa
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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