This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize