Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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