I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
