Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize