just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
