if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
