i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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