After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
