Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
