Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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