My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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