So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you will always have a special place in my vag
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
