mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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