But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
