One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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