Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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