Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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