Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
