i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
