apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize