Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
