I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
