garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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