I am in a vortex of obligation.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
