when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
