is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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