And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
