I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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