Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize