So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
