Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
