If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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