respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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