Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
