life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
