I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
