hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize