she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
