He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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