All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
