dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
