Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
