we have officially lost it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
