So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
