I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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