He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
