I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
