Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
