do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
