Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
