the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
we're making bets on your personal life
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
