ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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