Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
