i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She needs sedatives and a leash
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
