I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize