ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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