Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
