No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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