true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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