if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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