Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
