You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just had sex on a roof
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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