HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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