are you so shy because you have an std?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
