so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
