the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
My ass is underappreciated
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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