i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize