I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
