OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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