It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize