i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
