In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This baby is an asshole
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
