There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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