I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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