If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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