Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
